


haunted by the ghost of you

by Blepbean



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Yearning, author didn't really edit we die like men, zzzzzzzzzz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:48:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28850082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blepbean/pseuds/Blepbean
Summary: Just before everything goes down, Alex goes to the beach where he finds Willie.And the day after, he hugs him. He slides a letter into the pockets that contains the deepest parts of him.But, I'd like to think that in other lifetimes, we would meet—we would always meet. That somewhere, I would be able to fit you.In another world, we’re two soldiers on the same side. We meet in a lonely time, cold and cruel. We decide to escape the military and live happily in the mountains. Another time, we’re two strangers who just manage to bump each other in the right place at the right time, you smile, I laugh. We get coffee and many years later we tell our grandchildren of our silly little story. In another world, we’re in a band together.
Relationships: Alex Mercer/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 54





	haunted by the ghost of you

**Author's Note:**

> idk i miss willex, and i was like 'why not make a poetic angst fluffy drabble?' 
> 
> and so i did
> 
> kudos, comments and feedback is appreciated

In the pale moonlight in the beach, Willie lets his skateboard disappear into thin air and steps into the sand. It’s quiet, barely anyone here to catch the beauty of the darkened waves rolling in out of the beach. This hush, this quiet, it’s an unfamiliar thing that he welcomes with open arms. He’s had enough of bright things and loudness, skating through the sidewalk and doing nothing by just existing between the bridge of life and death.

He feels himself slow down.

He’s Willie again, in his Junior year of high school and drinking too much beer and getting recklessly drunk with his friends. He’s seventeen again, staring into the crackling campfire while giddiness bubbles in his throat. Willie doesn't have anything shackling him down. He could do whatever he would back  _ then _ , like kiss curious boys when the both of them are drunk so they could blame it on the alcohol.

But Willie wouldn’t forget, it would always stick in the back of his mind. The touch of his hands on his face, blonde hair parted in the middle where it would feel soft, like sand against his fingers. In the flickering orange light his blue eyes turned dark like the sea. If Willie tried to swim deep, he would’ve already drowned the first meter in.

He doesn’t remember that boy's name, everything is hazy and blurry.

He sits where the tide and sand meets. He lets his hands reach out to touch the water, it passes through him. Willie thinks he’s forgot how cold water feels, the salt in his tongue when he used to swim in the beach late at night.

It’s gone now.

He hears the shuffling of feet behind him. It’s Alex, exhaustion wearing out his face, his lips in a thin line. Alex smoothes out his grey hoodie, then puts his hands into the pockets of his dark denim jeans. 

“Hey,” Alex says. He kicks sand with his feet, some of it passes through his converse shoes.

“You shouldn't be here,” WIllie hums, “Caleb might find us here.”

“I just wanted to meet you,” Alex says, he sits next to him and sighs, staring out into the endless void of dark waters.

“I’m sorry,” Willie says, “about everything I—”

“You shouldn’t blame yourself,” Alex says, “it’s… it’s my fault.”

They share a silence, he doesn’t know if it’s awkward or calm. Willie suddenly itches for his cigarette pack, for smoke to fill his lungs and to just let that  _ high  _ wave through his body. But ghosts can’t smoke.

He sighs, “I guess it’s both of our fault,” Willie jokes.

Alex laughs, and it’s sweet like honey, warm like the sun. He thinks he likes that sound, he wants to turn it into musical notes and let it play on a grand piano.

“I just wanted to see you,” Alex says, “is that illegal?”

_ Yes _ , Willie wants to say,  _ you should be illegal, you can’t be near me _ .

But instead he just shakes his head, “you could get hurt.”

“You’re worth it though,” Alex breathes out with a smile, like he’s been storing it inside himself, waiting for the quiet moment to let it out.

“I don’t think I’m worth it,” WIllie says. 

Willie looks at him.

  
But Alex doesn’t look back, and it gives him to study his face, the tiniest details. This boy is a work of art, because he can see each brush stroke. His pearl white teeth, the curve of his nose, his jawline, skin close to the colour of his mother’s fine china. But his eyes, under the moonlight it transforms into something else.

It’s close to the colour of just after the sun-set, when morning officially starts and the ocean is the purest of blue. Bright. Just like sapphires.

Alex turns to look at him. Studying him. Just like Willie is doing to him. Willie’s eyes drift down to the curve of his cupid’s bow, any lower would lead to something else that Willie thinks might be too much for him. 

But Alex… he ventures lower.

_ We shouldn’t do this _ , Willie thinks, like Alex can read his thoughts, his mind.

What he does instead is kisses him, closing the five inches between them. It’s not perfect, it’s full of fear and a bit of urgency that maybe, this is the last time that they’ll ever meet. It’s just two, clumsy lips pressing into each other. Alex wants to press closer, let this go where it leads. Willie, meanwhile, wants to let go and leave.

So they meet in the middle, pulling their lips away and sharing something more intimate, softer. They link their hands together, fingers slotting in place. They don’t move away, their faces a few inches away from each other.. Willie feels his hot breath on him. 

“This won’t last,” Willie whispers. And it’s true. This, all of  _ this _ , is a fleeting moment. That kiss, that peck, is just a tiny piece of what they could become.

“I know,” Alex says, “but this is bigger than the both of us. I need your help.”

And Willie helps.

===

This is the last time they see each other. Willie has a smile on his face, but it’s mostly a wall, a facade. A part of him wants to reach out, to pull Alex back when he slowly starts to step away and let their bodies come into one. Willie looks into his eyes, they’re lost, sort of distant.

Before Willie could turn away, Alex pulls him into a hug, tucking his head into Willie’s shoulder. Alex’s arms on his back, tight, afraid that if he lets go, Willie will vanish into thin air. He melts into this embrace, shutting his eyes. He doesn’t bother to open his mouth, because their bodies are already doing it for them.

And it says:

_ I love you so much _ .

Only the two of them know this.

Alex hesitantly lets go and steps back, awkwardly coughing and licking his lips.

“Right you uh… better get out of here before Caleb catches you with us.”

“Yeah,” Willie says, “I’ll see you around, hotdog.”

All smiles and soft giggles when Willie turns around to skate. He bites down on his lip, trying not to burst into tears. He can’t. He did his part, they’re going to be fine. Alex is going to cross over without Willie, he’ll be stuck here forever. It’s cruel and sick, tears stinging his eyes when he turns the corner.

Willie thinks; the most crushing feeling is to be left on the streets of the city while his soulmate is already gone.

He skates all the way to the loneliest alleyway and lets his skateboard disappear into thin air.

He sits on the ground, biting down on his lower lip. But he feels something in his pockets. WIth his shaky hands, he manages to pull it out. It’s a folded piece of paper that Alex must’ve slipped in when he wasn’t looking. 

The thought of it almost lets the paper slip through his hands, but he manages to gain back in control and unfolds the piece of paper in his hands.

_ Willie _

_ (I’m sorry if my handwriting is shaking, it’s taking all of my control to write this.) _

_ I am so, so, so sorry that we don’t have enough time with each other. It feels like the earth is tearing the both of us—which it is, but whatever—I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’ll write it a thousand times and tell the poets to write a thousand times more than me, that way that the whole universe can know of our tragic love story. Two souls in a fleeting romance because there was something bigger than the both of them. Everyone loves that, right? _

_ But also thank you, for helping us. You’ve been there in every step, and I don’t regret meeting you. Even if you do, I won’t. I’ll carry that burden for you if I have to. I don’t care. Right now though, after that night at the beach, everyone’s asleep (besides Luke and Julie, they’re talking outside while I write this).  _

_ But I have another thought when I’m writing this, the first time we met. Not as ghosts. No, I didn’t even realise I told you about the first time we saw each other. I really am sorry if this is kind of wrong, but I remember it, I think. It was at the campfire back at Junior year, I think we went to the same school. _

_ You were there, so loose with your usual smile. You were with your friends, wearing that ugly looking oversized red bomber jacket that somehow looked good on you. Light-blue denim jeans, cuffed, with black vans. You were so happy, alive and animated, you were in another world that I couldn’t access, and you were so handsome. You also took a swig of the cheap beer that I bought every time you laughed. Your hair was in a bun too. _

_ Back then, I was jealous of you. Because you were so proud of yourself, so I told myself that night, that I wouldn’t get too close to you. That maybe, if we touched, we would burn alight. _

_ I did anyway, because we kissed. Do you remember that? It felt like you brought me to your world that bloomed of so many colours. There were no consequences, no strings attached. We could blame it on the beer, just two boys who drunkenly made out. I took all of it, the things I felt back then. Your touch. Your smell. How you smiled into the kiss and how alive you felt. _

_ Then I took it into the biggest room I had in my house, with closed curtains and ancient floorboards. I shoved it all in there and locked it behind me. _

_ I thought I wouldn’t meet you again. _

_ But I did. All of it though, was fleeting. All of this, it’s all out of our hands. I’m so sorry, I want to do much with you. If I could, I would burn this whole place to the ground and turn it into ashes just to see you again. But that wouldn't achieve anything.  _

_  
_ _ But you kissed me. It was more like a peck, but still. You kissed me. Now while I’m writing this, I’m trying to search for somewhere to fit you. I took you to park down the streets, trying to plant you into the fertile soils along with the purple lilies. You didn’t fit.  _

_ But, I'd like to think that in other lifetimes, we would meet _ — _ we would always meet _ .  _ That somewhere, I would be able to fit you.  _

_ In another world, we’re two soldiers on the same side. We meet in a lonely time, cold and cruel. We decide to escape the military and live happily in the mountains. Another time, we’re two strangers who just manage to bump each other in the right place at the right time, you smile, I laugh. We get coffee and many years later we tell our grandchildren of our silly little story. In another world, we’re in a band together.  _

_ But we’re unfortunate that we’re stuck with this one. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry we had to meet like this, then only to leave again. I’ll wait for you up here. _

_ I’d like to think that you’d get tired of Caleb and find your own way up here. _

_ \- Alex _


End file.
